jokes

joke 1:
Hours after the end of the world, a border dispute emerged between heaven and hell. God invited the devil for conversations to find a way to resolve this dispute quickly. Satan, the devil, proposed a soccer game between heaven and earth.

God, always fair, told the devil, 'The heat must be affecting your brain, the game would be so one sided, don't you know all the "good" players go to heaven?"

The devil, smiling, responded "Yeah, but we've got all the refs

joke 2:
A soccer goalkeeper was walking along the street one day when he heard screams from a nearby building. He looked up to see smoke billowing from a fourth-floor window and a woman leaning out holding a baby.
"Help ! Help!" screamed the woman, "I need someone to catch my baby!"

A crowd of onlookers had gathered, but none was confident about catching a baby dropped from such a great height. then the goalkeeper, stepped forward. "I'm a professional goalkeeper," he called to the woman. "I'm renowned for my safe hands. Drop the baby and I will catch it. For me, it will be just like catching a ball."

The woman agreed: "Ok, then. When I drop my baby, treat it as if you were catching a ball."

On a count of three, the woman dropped the baby. Everyone held their breath as the goalkeeper lined himself up to catch it. There was a huge sigh of relief, followed by wild cheering as the goalkeeper caught the baby safely in his arms. Then he bounced it twice on the ground and kicked it 50 yards down the street.

joke 3:
Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.

joke 4:
Two goldfish in a bowl talking:
Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God?
Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?

joke 5:
Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.

Teller: You certainly do. This is a bank.